Your breakup may be history but your ex is far from being a page from the past. It isn’t a news flash that different people get over failed relationships at different paces. It is not always an indication of how much the relationship, or the person meant to them. It has more to do with how that individual sees their self and their potential to find happiness in the future.
If you are an independent person who is self sufficient you will probably need less time to heal from a breakup because you are able to go on with your life without losing the ability to support yourself. The more success you achieve, the easier it is for your ego to bounce back into fighting form.
If you are the type of person who is very dependent on the other person for validation and happiness, you will feel the loss much more profoundly, and have a much more difficult time bouncing back.
Either way, healing eventually comes and all people move on; all except for those who don’t want to. Some people get stuck in the past and refuse to move on. Most of the time, they know they are the reason the relationship didn’t work out. They feel a great sense of guilt about something or several things that they did, and have a hard time letting go of the situation without having the chance to redeem themselves. Even though they have had more than one opportunity to make things right, they managed to keep repeating the same mistakes again and again, until ultimately, they got to their last chance, and blew it.
If you have an ex like this, you know that it seems like everything in their life is somehow linked to you; their happiness, their unhappiness, and especially their ability to find love. You also know that there is nothing flattering about this fixation on you. As a matter of fact, you would like nothing more than for it to go away. But just when you think it might, it returns with a vengeance.
Having kids with an ex who fits this description is particularly stressful because when they fail to get the reaction they want from you, they use the kids as leverage to try and get under your skin. At this point it isn’t even about getting you back, even though that is really their ultimate fantasy, but it’s all about making you pay.
You would think that after a few years your ex would move on and find someone else, and they may, but the relationship is doomed before it even begins because of his obsession with you and everything about you. At first the other woman may not realize what’s happening, but once she does, she is usually out of there. And when that happens, all the blame is put on you, and all of sudden he has something new to hate you for.
This kind of fixation is unhealthy at best, and deadly at worst. The best way to protect yourself is to continue to have no contact with them what so ever. Never react to anything they do or say, and refuse to put yourself in any situation that acknowledges them at all. The best you can hope for is their getting bored of the whole thing and finally moving on.