It’s so easy to get carried away in the moment, the moment of truth when you are wrapped up in each other’s arms, feeling like there is nothing between you, not even time or space. It’s almost like you are one person. It’s time like these that you are most at risk for spilling your guts and ruining everything.
Right from the start, you want to know how many people your partner has been with, and they want to know the same about you. Sometimes people need to share this kind of information for health reasons. But if there are no issues making it necessary to know, it becomes a matter of if you want to share that information with each other. It is usually not a pleasant thing to talk about because the visual it puts in your head takes sides with your imagination, and they gang up on you. But even with this possibility in mind, your curiosity can still get the better of you, and you ask.
There is never a great time to talk about past relationships and what you did with the other person. But the subject seems to come up most often right after a really close intimate experience. It could be because you are feeling especially open and comfortable with them at that moment. It could also just be for the obvious reason of having it on your mind right then, and after a particularly satisfying experience you are reminded that you are not their first one. This coupled with the feelings of possessiveness that sometimes happen right after having sex.
How much information you plan on giving out should be something you think about, way before you are asked. You need to decide, with a clear mind, what you want to share, and what the other person’s reaction is likely to be. If you know that the person you are with cannot really handle knowing intimate details about you and your previous lover, no matter how tempted you are, do not tell them. They may even try and convince you that it’s perfectly okay to tell them everything because they know it’s in the past. Trust your instincts and do not give in. It’s not that they are trying to trick you. They may really feel like they are ready to hear it, but if everything you’ve seen about their personality, up to that point, says otherwise, do not do it.
The same goes for the things that you are curious to know. If you know it will make you feel insecure or uneasy to know all the gory details of your lover’s past, don’t ask. Try and put it in its place, in the past. You, and what the two of you do, are the only things that should be on your mind. And you can bet that it’s the most important on their mind as well.