Your partner is not only your lover, confidant, and emergency contact; they are also your best friend. There is nothing the two of you cannot say to each other, or do in front of each other. It’s like having the best of both worlds all wrapped into one. What you may not realize is that this level of openness is immensely comfortable and fun, but it could change the dynamic of your entire relationship.
One of the reasons the expectation of monogamy, within a romantic relationship, is widely accepted, is its unique quality of intimacy that is reserved for no other type of relationship. Of all other types of relationships, something has to set a romantic relationship apart, and make it stand alone, revered in a way that gives it exclusive privileges.
The biggest characteristic to separate and sanctify the romantic relationships is the intimacy that is shared between the couple. Sexual intimacy bonds two people together in a different way. This is due in part to the physical and chemical reactions that people have to each other during and after sex. Sexual intimacy is not the deepest way that people can be connected to each other, nor can it sustain a romance all on its own. But it does add a layer of depth to a relationship that other types of relationships do not have. When one or both people start treating each other more like friends or family, than lovers, their relationship begins to take on a less intense vibe, and this can put it in jeopardy.
Another relationship pitfall, that many people don’t see until it’s too late, is squandering romantic focus on areas that take away from the primary relationship. Life gets busy and there are many people and things, all vying for the same twenty four hours; it’s easy to keep an understanding supportive partner waiting. But as more time is spent in other areas, it also gets easy to get caught up, and lose track of how long it’s been since you gave your full focus to your partner. This lack of attention can dim the connection and make it weak and vulnerable.
Any person who has ever been in love knows the importance of being seen in the best possible light. In order to feel accepted, and to come across as desirable, some people make the mistake of going along with things that they normally wouldn’t. This starts the dangerous deterioration of the basic, but vital trust in our own instincts. The things that we instinctually know are not right for us are suddenly things we do. And as we continue to know they are not what will make us happy because of how uncomfortable they make us feel, we can’t stop. Not only does behaving in this way make for a very unhappy life, it also has a way of backfiring and destroying the relationship we are in. As we slowly go along with things we don’t want any part of, we begin to look very insecure and desperate. We also set the tone for the person we are with to get into habits that make us unhappy because they don’t know how badly they affect us.
With all the things that we have no control over, just waiting in the wings to sabotage our perfectly good relationship, it’s nice to know there are some things that we can do to make it thrive.