Out of nowhere it hits you, the memory of your ex. It could be one small flash of their face, or it could be a string of scenes from the time you two were together. But however it all comes flooding back, it causes you to feel a little like you need to grab onto to something to keep afloat.
It’s not that you should expect to never ever think of someone you were once with, but being that the breakup was the last thing you guys did together, it’s not something that you would categorize as warm and fuzzy.
Actually for a long time after you break up, you spend a lot of time doing everything within your power to forget every single detail about them, and your relationship with them. It’s not only the bad things you try to wipe out of your head either; it’s everything, especially the good things. Remembering the bad times can serve you well, at this point, because it gives rhyme and reason to your pain.
Once enough time has gone by, things get easier. Now you can afford yourself the luxury of an occasional nostalgic thought. And the really great thing is that those thoughts no longer consume you or take over day. You will be able to easily file it away and go on like it never happened.
The problem is that time has a way of sugar coating certain details in our memories. This can be nice, but it won’t really matter that much, either way when it comes to some relationships. But when it comes to a relationship that was significant to you, it matters a lot more. It can make all the difference in the world.
There are certain people who should definitely stay in your distant memory, never to reappear in your daily life. But time has a funny way of wiping slates clean and refreshing things to the point that you forget some very important details of why and how you came to leave that person in your past.
It’s completely natural for people to want to see things in a positive light. Unfortunately, this can lead to selective memory. But some memories, even the bad ones, serve a useful purpose. We learn valuable lessons from painful experiences, and we also learn who we are better off keeping our distance from.
This doesn’t mean that every time you are taken back by a sweet memory from a past relationship you should slam it with a negative one. But it does mean that you should keep it in perspective. Rarely is any situation all bad. Any experience presents an opportunity for you to gain something from it. But it’s important to know when to take what you can from something and move on. Waiting too long to pull away, or going back to something that you’ve already seen is not good for you, can take away anything you may have gained from it, and more.