Some people just seem to always be at the wrong end of a situation. They somehow manage to get cheated out of something or treated badly. It’s almost as if they have been cursed with a life full of hard lessons.
One of the most amazing things about people like this is their willingness to forgive and forget. They have the unique ability to forge ahead without holding a grudge, or passing harsh judgment against those who have hurt them. But many times looks are deceiving. What appears to be a misunderstood victim, may actually be a calculating master of manipulation.
Almost everything that we do is motivated by what we, as people, stand to gain by engaging in the action or behavior. It doesn’t have to be selfish in nature. The gain can actually be the good feelings that come with doing something good for another human being. But whatever it is we do, we do get something out of it.
This is what makes people keep coming back for more when they are being abused or mistreated in some way. But they are not as helpless as they make themselves seem. The individual who continues to linger in a situation that causes them pain and discomfort is a martyr.
The martyr is not always unhappy. They always have their reward waiting for them after everything is said and done. They thrive on the guilt of the person who has wronged them. They know that if they are patient and understanding long enough for the other person to get to the other side of their anger and frustration, they will be at the receiving end of an abundance of attention and affection. They are holding the guilt card, and they are playing it for everything they are worth.
For the people who get their kicks from being abused, and then relishing the aftermath of kindness that the guilty party lavishes on them, the cycle is positively addicting. They know the guilt card is a very powerful one. But what they don’t realize is that playing it can erode their self confidence and their self worth. What’s lost seems like a small price to pay in exchange for how good, the good times feel.
Once a person is addicted to the rush of having someone who is mean to them show the same amount of passion, only in a much more positive way, they seek it out like a drug. They will even go so far as to incite negative behavior from someone they are in a new relationship with. If the person doesn’t take the bait and do something that they will surely regret, the martyr may become the mean one in an effort to antagonize the other person to the point of fighting back, and hopefully doing something that will make them feel guilty.
The guilt card may seem like a card worth playing to get the attention you are craving; but it never ends up being part of a winning hand. If that is the only way to get the attention you deserve, it’s time to change the people you are playing with.