Trying to find a boyfriend, date, husband, or whatever it is you’re in the market for works the same way. The more men you can put yourself in front of, the higher the likelihood you’ll succeed in getting what you want. Although this may seem like common sense, many women, perhaps even yourself included, take horribly sub-optimal approaches to filling this void in their life.

When you fail to put yourself in front of many different potential suitors, you have no choice but to lower your standards. Let’s go back to the car example. If you’re biking around town hoping to find a car to buy, you might see maybe half a dozen cars in one afternoon of searching. Since your options are limited, you kind of have to settle for whatever you can get. However, if you visit autotrader.com, basically every available car in a 100 mile radius is yours for the choosing.

Approach finding a man the same way you’d approach finding a car: look in places where lots of men, and not just any men, single men, are available. Chances are you’ll be able to increase your standards and find yourself in a more fulfilling relationship in the process!
So where’s a place you can expose yourself to large quantities of single men?

The Internet

Internet dating is God’s gift to single people. For a mere $20-$50 a month, you can have access to profiles, pictures, and contact information of dozens, even hundreds of single men in your area. Maybe some of you have been reluctant to pull the trigger on online dating for money reasons. That’s understandable. But look at it this way: a subscription to an online dating membership costs about as much as one or two nights out. In a couple nights out you’ll get to meet a small handful of men, many of whom might be a waste of your time since they’re not available, and you’ll have a hangover the next morning to boot. With online dating, you cut through all of the fat and get right down to the lean meat where hundreds of men are available in your area. Best of all, you’ll only wake up with a headache the next morning if dealing with being messaged by dozens of guys was overwhelming to you!

Speed Dating, Singles Mixers

Second to online dating for best way to meet a man is attending social functions in your area designed at bringing singles together. Speed dating, singles mixers and singles recreational leagues are all great ways to have a little fun and spend some time interacting with available men in your area. Bring a single friend and try it out. Even if you don’t find a man, I’ll bet you have a lot of fun anyway!

Be Super Picky

Most women will get messages from tons of guys at online dating sites. If you attempt to respond to everyone, you’ll spend all day and night in front of the computer. Develop a system to determine “interested” or “not interested” within just a few seconds so you don’t have to waste time on guys who aren’t right for you. Online dating is all about efficiency, so don’t waste any time on scrubs.

Be Honest with Pictures

Every guy’s worst online dating nightmare is that the “cutie” he thinks he’s going out with turns out to be a tank. If you’re a little overweight or not the prettiest in the world, that’s okay, but don’t just post the one picture taken of you in the last ten years where you look skinny/hot. Believe me, disappointment is a bad foot to start a relationship off with. You can post “good” pictures of yourself, but just don’t post the dishonest ones!

Try eHarmony instead of Match

If you’re serious about finding a lasting relationship, I’d recommend using eHarmony over Match.com. The reason is that Match tends to attract a lot of men looking for casual encounters whereas eHarmony markets themselves more to the marriage-minded type.

Have Fun!

Online dating is supposed to be fun. It’s pretty crazy when you think about it: you get to filter through tons of available guys in your area all from the privacy of your home computer. Pretty cool, huh? So enjoy it and don’t sweat the small stuff. If you find someone, great, if not, there’s still the old fashioned method of meeting someone in “real life”!

Here are some tips to help you figure out if a guy likes you:

Contact Ratio

Ask yourself, and be honest, who initiates communication between the two of you more often? If he initiates most of the communication, there’s actually a pretty strong chance he likes you. However, if it’s like 50:50 or you initiate the majority of conversations, watch out.

Try the No Contact Test. Do not contact him whatsoever until he contacts you. If it takes him longer than a couple of days to say anything to you, there’s a very high probability that he’s just not that into you.

Friends Test

If you’re dating a guy who has a peculiar habit of not wanting to introduce you to any of his friends, there’s a good chance you’re just a glorified booty call to him. If he seems to keep you at arm’s length from the rest of his life, he is probably using you for sex and doesn’t have any real interest in you.

Do You Feel Respected?

Another warning sign for a guy who is just not that into you is if he doesn’t seem to respect you. In other words, if he takes little active interest in how things are going in your life or adopts a smug personality around you as if he’s better than you, he’s not interested. When a guy is into a woman, he will care about her and the things going on in her life.

What Not to Look For

There are a few things that you might think are indicators as to whether or not a guy likes you, but in reality are just mixed signals.

The biggest one is sex. Men do not need to have feelings for a girl in order to sleep with her. Women make this mistake all the time. They sleep with a guy too soon and then assume it means that he has feelings for her. Nope. You might just be something physical to him.

Another big one is just because he refers to you as his friend doesn’t mean he’s not interested. Many guys have figured out the power of calling a woman their ‘friend’ first as a method to eventually build attraction that leads to sex. So just because a guy refers to you as his friend doesn’t mean he’s not interested. If anything, it could very well mean he is interested!

We have all had instances where our rules were stepped on, lines were blatantly crossed, and feelings were hurt. Although we learn from our mistakes, and the mistakes of those who have crossed those lines, we need to be aware of the surrounding circumstances so as not to fall into the same repetitive instances again. If we refuse to learn from interrupted relationships then we may find ourselves, years later, in the same state. We set limits, rules, in order to preserve our dignity and our worth. If we were to have no limitations the flood gates would open and we would be taken advantage of at every turn. When a good relationship turns sour, some people actually break the rules of the relationship in order to show their disinterest in its progression; instead of doing the respectful thing and just admitting that the relationship is going nowhere. Many times the childish road is chosen.

In order to set the right path for your relationship discussion of your personal limitations should be one of the first bridges that you and your partner cross together. There must be a certain respect that is set and trust can flourish with the setting of certain boundaries and personal understandings. As a strong individual you must know that allowing another person to jeopardize your values, limits and instincts can damage your opinion of yourself. Not only does this hurt you but it will damage your ability to trust. In a solid, and understanding relationship, you can spend the time that is needed making your personal values known and respected. If you are in an equal partnership, or developing one, this will never be an issue.

Some women will find men who are an obvious opposite in comparison to themselves; this is not necessarily a conscious decision more of a decision based on the woman’s need to change others. Other women unconsciously seek out men with ‘issues’; either they drink too much, have a temper problem, they cheat, or they just don’t have the capacity to care for others, but no matter what the ‘issue’ may be for that man the woman seeking him out may find that she has an obscure need to help others. While she may feel that she is doing a good deed in her own mind, by definition she is unintentionally bringing chaos into her own life.

As women we have certain nurturing aspects to our personality. This is instinctual and unintentional but it is certainly a blessing for those we love. Our nature is to assist. Although it is hard to resist our deepest urges when we are looking for a guy, there are specific agendas that we have to learn to separate from our love life. The definition of a perfect guy is one who is there for you as equally as you are for him, he compliments your flaws as you compliment his, and he contributes just as much emotionally, physically, and mentally to the relationship as do you. There is a very apparent equality to relationships.

If a woman finds herself dating an egotistical man then she finds herself dishing out all of the compliments while receiving none. The situations may be different but the concept behind the relationship remains the same. You must find your equal to be truly happy in a dating relationship. If a woman is seeking to fully nurture then she will always find herself in an unfulfilling, immature, or just plain dissatisfying relationship. We must be as mature-minded as the men we wish to date.

As much as I want to sympathize with these women and help advance their victim mentality, it wouldn’t be doing them much of a service in the long run. So instead, I try to help them understand men so that they can better position themselves as wife material when the next potential suitor comes around. Here are some things that turn most men off. Keep in mind this is just a general list. Not all of these things turn off all men.

Carelessness with sexuality

Men have a hard time respecting women who put out too easily or women who make statements that indicate they are “easy” by nature. If you sleep with a man too quickly or make a lot of sexually charged statements that indicate you’re not very particular about who you sleep with, he isn’t very likely to categorize you as wife material. Keep in mind that to men, marriage is viewed as something of a purchase. In other words, they’re making a big investment in another person, and its an investment they won’t be likely to make if they feel that person could be prone to run off and sleep with someone else on a whim.

Pressuring the relationship

Most guys have a tempo in which they feel comfortable seeing a relationship progress. Try speeding this up with a bunch of serious talks and ultimatums, and you’re likely to turn the guy away. Figure out what he has in mind for the relationship. Realize that trying to change this makes less sense than just trying to find someone else who is more compatible.

Being lame in bed

Sex is pretty important to almost all guys. The goal of sex for most men is to reach climax and ideally help you reach it yourself. If making your man climax isn’t something you are prioritizing, chances are he’ll remain pretty unsatisfied with the relationship.

Disloyalty

Men looking for a wife are looking for a loyal companion. It is a big turn off for men when they get the sense from a woman that if things ever started to get a little bit rough that she would bail. It will either consciously or subconsciously make them view you as a leech; you’re around when things are good, but when they’re not, you’re outta there. If you seem disloyal in a general sense, that’s a very bad thing. Examples include running to your Mom or friends to pout and complain about your partner when you’re not getting your way (rather than confronting them to fix the problem), or just generally seeming quick to turn your back on anyone who has done something for you.

Obsessive nagging

Be careful how much you bust balls around a guy you’re dating. No guy wants to put up with someone who is trying to take over their life like some kind of a fascist dictator. If you find yourself compelled to behave this way, try to figure out why. Chances are you have some need to feel more control in your life. You can achieve that in other ways than pestering men: focus more on a career, exercise diligently, get a dog, etc.

We can all learn to utilize our creativity. Artists find their deepest inspiration when they are stuck alone with their canvas and their creativity. The best part of learning to enjoy ourselves on a budget is the many things that we find we have taken for granted over the years. Board games and family time, cooking with your wife or husband, spending time together watching movies and munching popcorn, even the luxury of inexpensive mini-golf can be a looked-over indulgence. The simple things in life can be the most exhilarating as long as we are with those we love while we are doing them. We don’t need to find ourselves cooped up in a bad mood when it can be salvaged by a little cheap-thinking. If you have children sit down with them, and a notepad, and make a list of all the activities that you can do together with the things you have in your home. Get really creative and turn this list-making itself into a project. You can create some of the most interesting projects and crafts out of items already in the home. Spend some time searching for crafts online and use items in your home to perform search results. You can do amazing things with time.

This is the perfect time to try your hand at a new hobby. Begin thinking about things you’re good at and then utilize items you already own in order to emphasize these ideas. Use your inner creativity to make homemade birthday and anniversary cards. Start an online community on your favorite topic, or invent a blogging site for your favorite celebrity or sports icon. You can do some amazing things with time.

A woman who purposely gets pregnant to keep her man with her is a trick as old as time. As popular as this tactic is, it has been proven to be unsuccessful time and time again. But the failure rate does nothing to deter women of every age, demographic, and education level, from trying it anyway.

Having a baby is a big step in any relationship, but for some women it’s a last ditch effort to keep the man she loves from leaving her. By the time a relationship is so wrecked that both people are feeling disconnected from each other, it’s pretty much hopeless. And if the man in the relationship is no longer interested in staying in the relationship, usually nothing the woman does will keep him there. But there are two words that can cause him to rethink his decision, and maybe even delay his leaving. When a woman says “I’m pregnant” a man will usually stop dead in his tracks. The little bit of extra time, bought by the shock factor, of the news the man has just received, is just the glimmer of hope that his girlfriend was going for.

Most of the women, who get pregnant towards the end of a relationship, do so, on purpose without the consent of the man they’re with. They even go as far as to lie about using birth control, and even sabotage their boyfriend’s efforts to use protection.
The pregnancy that results from lies and deception to trap a man in a relationship he really wants out of will only drive him further away. The women who use this trick rarely think ahead to what their life will be like as a single mother because they have deluded themselves to the point of seeing the pregnancy as a new beginning. While she is excitedly planning their future, he is feeling more miserable than ever, and is just trying to negotiate the details of how he will leave.

Getting pregnant to keep your man could extend your relationship for nine months more than it would have lasted; but even that may not happen. What you can count on happening is being tied to a man who wanted to be out of your life a long time ago. And being tied to him by the new baby, the two of you now share, will force you to bear witness to his forming new relationships, and possibly having more kids with someone he does want to be with.

The pain you will feel from watching the man you love start a family with another woman, when you believe that it should have been with you instead, will far exceed that of what you would have experienced from breaking up when it could have been clean and easy with no strings attached. It’s much better to let go and start your new life, rather than bringing a new life into a relationship that is already over.

This shift of reality seems to occur most often in relationships of the romantic kind. It’s easy to see why you can be blindsided by something that originates from a situation that is near and dear to your heart. But if you’re not careful, you could find yourself lost in your own relationship, and it really could be the beginning of the end of things as you knew them.

When the two of you started dating you knew that he didn’t make a lot of money; you may have even wondered how he was able to take you out, and pay his bills. But you didn’t ask him about it because that would have just been rude. And anyway, it really didn’t matter to you because he had everything else you were looking for in a guy, and even lots of things that you had no idea you were looking for. Being with him felt so good, it didn’t matter what the two of you were doing, as long as you were together. And to your amazement he even came through for you a couple of times when you were in a financial pinch; he’s your hero.

Now as you look back on that time, you wonder what happened to that guy who would never think of having you pay for anything; not that you never did, but it was you who offered. Now he does everything but come out and ask you for money; well if you count that time he did, but acted like he was joking, you’re not sure, maybe he has.

At first you felt like you and he were a team, and after how he came to your rescue without you even asking, you felt completely comfortable with offering to spot him some gas money here and there, or buying him dinner once in a while. But it’s been months and he seems to be crying broke more than ever. He even uses it as an excuse for not spending as much time with you as he used to. He says that he doesn’t feel comfortable seeing you when he can’t afford to pay for anything. It’s confusing at best and suspicious at worst. It’s gotten to the point that you feel uncomfortable discussing your shopping sprees with him because you feel, guilty.

Before you are tempted to offer to fill up his gas tank because he really wants to see you, but doesn’t have the gas to make it to your house and back again, you may want to think twice about letting go of your cash.

It’s true, he helped you when you were in a jam, but it was very temporary, and you never made it feel like it was a condition to seeing you. In any relationship there should be a give and take going both ways. When you start feeling like he sees you as a way to get some extra cash, it probably means your relationship is no longer a team effort, but more like an everyman for himself event.

The details of adult life have a way of overriding our little girl inside, and what she wants to do. We become wives and mothers. We become the one everybody looks to for comfort and nurturing. And we give it to those we love, freely and happily; that’s what we do. But in the course of trying to be everything to everybody, we somehow forget all about what we need. And we especially forget all about what used to make us happy all those years ago.

If we are lucky, we meet our prince charming, he may not come to us on a great big white horse, but he is good and he loves us. Unfortunately, accepting love and adoration is not always easy for a lot of women. And some go to the extreme of feeling guilty when they are the ones being taken care of and spoiled.

You can go a long time without looking back at the things that made you happiest as a child, especially when days feel like seconds and years feel like days. But when something comes up to make ribbons of memories billow through your mind, until they wrap around your thoughts; it all comes rushing back to you. And you should do everything in your power to make sure it doesn’t get away again.
Taking the time to nurture yourself is not selfish, or a waste of time. Being good to yourself floods you with good feelings and gives you a sense of happiness and gratitude. Whatever you are feeling is often what you share with others, so making sure you are feeling as good as possible, as often as you can, allows you to share those good feelings with the people you love, and even those you don’t even know.
Never be too grown up to let who you are inside, show through in everything you do. Spending time on you is necessary and healthy. Surround yourself with beauty always. Celebrate how good beautiful things make you feel by creating a space that you can feel completely calm in and in awe of.

Taking the time to do things for you that reflect how much you love yourself will benefit everyone in your life, and everyone you come into contact with.

Remember you are a princess and whether anybody else in your life acknowledges it or not, you always can. Some people may resent the high esteem you hold yourself in, but that is only because they have forgotten how to do it for themselves. Don’t waste your time trying to explain it to them, just show them by example. That’s how leaders and princesses do it.