Happiness seems to be waiting right around every corner for those people who are in secure loving relationships. Love paints a rosy glow on everything, and even makes the hard times a little more bearable. This happiness acts like a barrier between us and the outside world, which is exactly why some people are willing to put up with some pretty outrageous things for the sake of their romance. The longer a couple stays together, the more they look to their relationship to help them keep their grip on their feeling of well being.
What crashes the happy love party is when one of the people in the relationship decides that they want to leave the security of their union and venture out into something or someone new. Older relationships are not immune to this harsh reality, but the people in them take the break up a lot harder. The longer two people are together the more of life’s ups and downs they go through together. These shared life experiences make couples feel a sense of being one with each other and this often leads to an extreme emotional dependence.
A lot of relationships come to an end. The reason for a break up can mean the difference between a bad break up or a very bad breakup. There are not too many happy breakups. The movies make it look very possible, but in reality it is considered very traumatizing and can be one of the most difficult times in a person’s life. Most people who get involved in romantic relationships do so with a vision of where the relationship will go, making the breakup feel like the death of their dream. Just as with any other death a breakup can plunge a person into mourning. This is a very real state of mind and recognizing the feelings and how to best handle them will ensure a quicker transition to feeling better.
Shock and disbelief will be intense in the first few days or weeks. These first few days will bring with them the hope that the breakup is only temporary. It’s good not to dwell on how bad it feels, but it’s important to face reality as soon as possible to prevent being overwhelmed by sadness.
A lingering sense of guilt and almost constant waves of pain kick in at full speed. Thoughts of how we contributed to the end of the relationship are flowing in pretty steadily now, and with them they bring painful memories and regret. It’s a good idea to refocus our negative thoughts as soon as we get them. We should try and not glorify the other person, but instead give ourselves credit for the good we brought to the relationship.
At some point anger starts to take over for the pain. Feeling and expressing anger in this stage of the breakup is healthy. It’s our way of picking ourselves up and gaining our power back. It’s important to keep our anger working for us and not against us or it can take us back to pain.
Feeling lost and depressed shows you are on the road to healing. It may seem like feeling lost is the furthest thing from being found, but it really is a sign that we are starting to accept our life outside of our old relationship.
Allow yourself the time to go through all the feeling that a breakup brings. As much as it hurts, a breakup cannot kill you, but it can definitely make you feel undone.