Almost as soon as your thoughts start to wander to that guy you used to be so wrapped up in, you open your e-mail to find a message from him. As hard as you try not to be too evil and rejoice as you read about the way his girlfriend broke up with him, and how lost and heartbroken he is, you can’t help but feel a little vindicated.
Your reaction may not be much of a shock to you, but how ferociously he comes on to you is. This is the guy who blew you off in every way but the clear direct way that would have made things so much easier for you. It wasn’t like he was the love of your life, but you did have a decent size crush on the guy. And then you got over it. Now it’s been over a year and he comes out of nowhere proclaiming to have missed you.
Meeting this guy for coffee would be innocent enough, if you didn’t already know exactly what he wanted. Being with him wouldn’t be about the two of you having fun and enjoying each other. It would be about him being desperate and sad.
The fact that he is on the rebound doesn’t make him a bad guy, but it does make for a potentially bad situation for you, especially if you are not mentally up for it. You would have to be completely willing to be intimate with someone who may not be emotionally available to be intimate back. And just because he initiates discussions about sex and the possibility of having a relationship does not mean that he will be able to follow through with any of it, even the sex.
If you’ve ever been on the rebound, then you know that all you really want is to feel better. And the one thing that seems like it would make that happen is being back in a relationship. But unless the relationship that you were in was a casual one, you will not be able to simply replace it with another one.
If you think you are okay with being his rebound girl, there are some things to keep in mind so you don’t end up getting hurt. For a while every time you and he are together, it will make him think of, and miss his last girlfriend. It has nothing to do with you; the memories are too fresh for him to have disassociated himself from them.
Once he starts to feel better there is a good chance that you will represent a very painful time in his life; you will be guilty by association. When he is ready to put every part of his breakup behind him, be prepared for that to include you.
For the majority of people, the only way to be ready to move on to the next relationship is to take some time to heal. This means taking some time for reflection; it means being single. But it doesn’t mean being alone. If you want to be in his life again, it’s probably best to be a good friend. You’ll be doing him a favor, and you’ll be doing yourself an even bigger favor.