One of the most basic principles to relationship bliss is in knowing that trust is the only foundation that gives a relationship a fighting chance of standing the test of time. Trust is such a subjective concept, and it can seem so basic that it almost gets taken for granted. We like to assume that everybody knows how important trust is, so there is no reason to talk about it, or even establish that there is a basis for it. That assumption can be disastrous for any relationship, romantic or otherwise.
It’s easy to see how a breach of trust can severely damage a relationship, and even cause its death. But what’s not always so easy to see, is how, not investing some time to see that the relationship merits our trust, can be just as damaging, if not more.
When a relationship begins, it’s easy to see all the reasons why we should plunge ourselves into it, full steam ahead. Not a lot of thought goes into all the things that can go wrong with it, or why it may be a bad idea to get into it at all. It’s not until the little red flags start waving frantically in our faces, that we begin to take a closer look at the things that we were blind to at first.
By the time we are seeing nothing but red flags we usually have already given ourselves to the relationship, and are fully invested in making it work out. It’s at this point that we find ourselves willing to accept things about the person we are with that we know we probably shouldn’t.
Lack of dependability and the absence of security are things that we find ourselves working around and trying to ignore for the sake of salvaging what we believe to be our love for this person, who we realize we do not trust.
We begin to wonder if we can love this person, even though we do not trust them. The answer is not always the one we want. But still, we rationalize that if there is love, trust is possible, and we begin to look for ways to give our trust anyway, knowing deep within ourselves we are setting ourselves up for heartache and failure.
Our love for somebody else does not only exist when we can fully trust the person we love. But our happiness in that love can only be possible if we know we can trust and be trusted within the relationship. Giving our love unconditionally to somebody who does not honor it enough to be trustworthy, will eventually turn our feelings against that person, and in the end, against ourselves.
As people with the capacity to give love, even to those who do not love us back, it is possible for us to love someone we do not trust. But for our feelings to live within a healthy relationship, and be satisfying to us, trust must be present.