After making the decision to breakup with a guy you were totally into, until you realized he wasn’t even close to being who you thought he was, you may find yourself doubting your sanity, and questioning your ability to judge a person’s character. But what’s really happening is you are just coming out of a good relationship, gone bad.
There are not many people who can say that they have never met a person who seemed one way, but turned out to be something completely different; and not in the good way that you would hope for. When that happens in a friendship or any other less intense relationship, you can usually brush yourself off without missing a beat. It’s usually not a big deal and it can easily be chalked up to not knowing the person long enough or well enough.
In a dating relationship, it can feel devastating to realize that the person you are growing deep feelings for, is not who you thought they were. If you really believed that this person was Mr. Right, it is not only hurtful, but also extremely confusing.
It may be hard to admit to making a mistake, but the mistake wasn’t the way you judged your guy’s character. The mistake was giving him your seal of approval before fully and completely inspecting him. It takes time to really get to know somebody. It is way too easy to be on best behavior mode for chunks of time, while keeping in check the things we would rather nobody else see. Even if the guy is sincere in the way he is behaving, it still takes time to be around somebody through different situations, to know how he will actually react.
Sometimes the way a person reacts to certain situations changes how you see him and eventually how you feel about him. It doesn’t take a lot to make a big difference. All it takes is one significant habit or personality trait that offends you on some level, or is unappealing in some big way, and suddenly doubt creeps in.
Realizing that you no longer want to be with the guy you were just head over heels about can be just as hurtful to you as it is to him. It’s completely normal to feel bad about losing the things about him that you did love. Maybe there was a part of him that was perfect for you, but if he was really Mr. Right, every part of him would be perfect to you. The real mister right will not turn into mister wrong. If he does, then it has to be a case of mistaken identity.